The Fear of Drowning

I’ve said please once or twice,
but it was only later that I discovered that thank you would have been more appropriate.
The biggest change I have gone through
has been to actually get what I want.
To realize that all effort is over.
Not that I will be motionless,
but the motion moves me and not the other way around.
The sea of tears pouring through my eyes,
which I have been holding back for eons
(for fear of drowning)
is exactly what now floats my life raft.
Beauty waiting patiently on the other shore.
I have been looking back and laughing maniacally
at the other people who have not yet built their rafts
and in doing so
I drifted further from my destination.
She throws me a rope
and then a flower
and a ripe peach for sustenance.
I go for the peach first
assuming the rope will be there when I’m ready.
I smell the flower.
I drift backward some more
because I’ve got this rope, so everything will be fine one way or the other.
But I can see on her face
she is confused
as to why I am not coming closer.
I am taking my time.
I have a different view of the ocean now
taking it in, no longer as a threat but as a brother.
I don’t take this experience for granted,
and I know I won’t be on the ocean forever.
But today, I’m amazed at my sea legs.
The strange thing, that’s really got me tongue-tied,
these legs don’t even belong to me.
I am responding automatically.
A response that could have never existed before.
I am able, but not because I have earned the ability.
The ocean brought it out of me.
I float, like a cork.
Nothing earned, nothing learned.
I soon will wash up on shore.
Maybe the raft will be in splinters by the time I’m ready.
Or maybe I’ll sell it to another traveler, after a sweet reunion.
But one thing is for sure,
there is a definite order to this process.
It is not what I thought it was.
Chaos created this order,
And I am only the captain.
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JoshuAlive
Immersive Experience Designer
Joshua Brandon Pánczér is a multidimensional artist, experience designer, author, public speaker/comedian, and transformational leadership facilitator. Originally from California, he can often be found throughout Thailand, in Bali, or in Europe.

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